I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
