Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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