I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
