its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
