Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
