no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
