Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
