Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
