i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
