We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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