She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
