not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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