Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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