If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
