3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
