This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
