Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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