If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh god it's open bar.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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