I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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