You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
