I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
