there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
