Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
