Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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