they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
