She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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