bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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