im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
