sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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