life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
