Pappa wants mamma naked
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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