There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
