We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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