She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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