Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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