I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
