Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
