I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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