well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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