who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
