I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
