I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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