your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
