I hate all girls vehemently.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
