the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
