I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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