I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
