We're facebook friends in real life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
