I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
