Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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