Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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