I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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