Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
