I wish my penis had an off switch
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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