it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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