We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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