i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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