It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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