Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
