Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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