That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
