The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
