I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
