She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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