I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your cock deserves a montage
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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