What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
