if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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