i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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