spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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