Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
