You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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