Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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